Trading against the plan

I simply traded against my signals from frustration. The signals were Dam near perfect. It was all operator error. I completely lost it. I sold near the top of the day and got stopped out for 100 bucks. I then went long with large size out of frustration and my system then confirmed a sell signal. I didn't look at it. I ignored it. I just lost a bunch of money yesterday, and I wasn't going to loss money from another stupid stop getting hit. I sold the top. I canceled my traditional stop placement. This market is just fucking with me. It moves even farther against me. Before the market puts in its big drop in the afternoon I sell and take the loss knowing full good and well that my trade signals were right all along and that my original plan was correct. I could have reversed positions and made back all my money but the frustration was too much to handle. What hurt the most is that I didn't follow my plan. I tried to follow the plan, and then I got a small loss. I then went on tilt and blew it. I made the choice to not follow the plan. I chose to fuck up. I've blown up my account at least 6 times. All from deviating from the plan. This post is just like many I've written in the past. Another blow up with the same mistakes being repeated.

I lost A LOT. Not just money. I lost myself.
I simply went out of control. Cussing, screaming, throwing things, crying, punching myself in the head, bashing my head into the wood cabinet. I've had a migraine for 2 days.
How can you do that to yourself?
And you want to come back and trade?
Are you fucking out of your mind?
What will it take for you to admit you failed?
Congrats Bill, you won LT's bet. I blew up again. What the fuck do you people get out of this? HPT did it again, and that he's a fucking idiot. I've spent the last 3 years trying to improve my trading. If I'm not at work I'm in front of this computer working on my trading. I'm taking classes so I can learn how to program an automate a strategy. What I probably needed was a psychologist. Trading affected my grades in college. My grades my senior year in college dropped because I started spending time trading and reading all the trading books I could get my hands on. I thought I could make money in the market. I couldn't. I never learned. I guess people never change. How many times can someone fail and keep coming back? Is this an addiction, is this gambling?
When you fail it becomes gambling. When you come back and fail again it becomes an addiction. When you win, you are just lucky. When you win consistently without big blowups, you become a winner.
I wish I followed my trade signals. I wish I was a machine that would accept the small losses and let the winners run. I however am a human with emotions. Emotions that get in the way and fuck things up.
FUCK EMOTIONS.
BE A FUCKING MACHINE IF YOU WANT TO BE A WINNER.

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